


Being alone fills you with nothing but pain

by Redwolf1768



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Crying, Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Depression, Hurt Deceit Sanders, M/M, POV Deceit Sanders, Self Isolation, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sleep Deprivation, Snake Deceit Sanders, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Tall Deceit Sanders, Thomas Sanders References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21637879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwolf1768/pseuds/Redwolf1768
Summary: Deceit finds the others have left him for the light sides, just like Virgil did. He's all alone now. But it's fine... He'll find other ways to fill the emptiness...Aka, me wanting a lot of Deceit angst.(Yes, it also has plot)
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 128
Kudos: 421





	1. Where did they go?

**Author's Note:**

> Orange side's name is O, you might know him as rage.

It has been a day like any other. Deceit woke up took a shower and got dressed so he could fix the other dark sides breakfast. He set up the table, he fixed food how each of the other sides liked it, and he sat down to eat.

It was odd Remus not being here first thing, he was always the one waiting on Deceit to fix his food.

"Remus! O! Breakfast ISN'T ready!"

Deceit sat there and he waited. He waited. And waited till 20 minutes past.

He was done with waiting. He got up and headed to Remus's room and knocked on the door.

"Remus? Are you awake?" Deceit asked.

No answer. 

By this point Deceit had started to notice how eerily quiet the house seemed to be. Nothing could be heard from anywhere in the house, not even from Remus's room, which was alarming to say the least.

Not wanting to wait any longer, Deceit opened the door and looked inside. Remus wasn't in his room. Where was he?! Deceit was starting to panic, but maybe it was nothing, so he ran over to O's room and looked inside. He wasn't there either.

No no this couldn't be happening, they couldn't have just disappeared… Right?

He needed to find them.

~~~~~~~~~~

It has been weeks since Deceit discovered that the other sides went missing. He had just accepted it over time. He was now alone. He didn't know were they could have gone, but he knew something must have happened.

He thought about going to the light sides for help, in the end he decided against it. Why would they want to have help Deceit? The moment he'd show up they'd kick him out anyway.

They hadn't come back to their rooms for so long that Deceit wondered if they'd ever come back… But he was going to wait it out. They would come home some time, right? He just had to wait if out...

~~~~~~~~~~

This was taking way too long. It had been over a month and they still hadn't come back. Deceit couldn't handle the worry anymore… He had to get help from the light sides. And that's precisely why he was walking into their living room.

Every step he took, his body screamed to go back, but he needed to get help, it had been far too long.

He walked over to where the light sides lived, a nervous wreck inside, but he'd never let anyone see it. He had to make them listen or he'd be alone forever, he'd never know what happened. He had to make them listen, or at the very least, if they didn't, he'd manipulate them into helping him. He was the bad guy to them after all.

As Deceit rounded the corner he could hear voices in the living room.

"And then he gagged on it like it was a big di-"

"Duck!!!"

Deceit was stunned at the site before him. Virgil and O were at the table, having what looked to be a nice conversation. And if that wasn't something to gape at, Logan and Patton were watching Roman and Remus perform Improv.

Deceit felt something inside him Shaffer in that moment. He had not seen the others, his family! For over a month! And this was were they had been this whole time? With the light sides?! It felt like all of his insides were trying to crowd into his chest in an attempt to keep himself from falling apart piece by piece. The amount of betrayal he felt was so so so much worse then when Virgil left. At least he bothered to tell Deceit! This was just… This was just… Cruel.

Eventually Remus looked over at Deceit, who had been standing there trying to process the amount of betrayal he was feeling. "Deceit! You're here!" 

Everything stopped. The laughter, the acting, the conversation. And they all turned to look at Deceit, in the hall, watching them.

"Deceit! You can be our villain!" Roman states excitingly, the moment he looked over at him. Remus bounced up and down excitedly at the idea and waited for Deceit to join them.

Deceit didn't say anything. He couldn't speak or he'd end up breaking in front of everyone. Instead he gave a slow nod and left back to the dark side common rooms with the other side's eyes on him as he left.

When he stepped inside the dark side common, he made sure to lock the door behind him. The others wouldn't be needing to come back… No. They wouldn't want to. They never did.

Deceit let himself slide down the door as he let the mask he was holding go. Tears climbed down his face and all he could feel was an overwhelming pain come over his whole body as every part of him gave up. He didn't know anymore. Everything and everyone he'd worked so hard for just left him. Never to be seen again.

He curled into himself on the floor, letting out loud, pain filled, uncomfortable, sobs. 

What came next? He was all alone now. Everything he held dear, was gone. Everything just seemed pointless now. 

Everything he did was all for nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, but it's just the set up for the story. The real angst will begin soon my friends. ;)


	2. Not after what you did to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain

After the days went by, Deceit found himself not caring. Everything was pointless now, even Thomas didn't seem worth the effort anymore. He didn't care, and Deceit found himself doing something he never thought he'd never consider.

He walked over to a drawer and pulled out one of sharp knives. He felt so dull inside, so useless, and unimportant. He didn't know why he was ok with doing this to himself, but maybe being around Remus for so long had something to do with it. Or maybe it was just that he had nothing else anymore.

Deceit put the knife up to his wrist, hesitant at first. The first time, he was afraid of what would happen, so he tested the waters. He pushed down, feeling the blade sliding down into and across his skin. He went slow, and when the knife finished it's way across his wrist, he looked to see a dent in his skin. No blood came at first, but as Deceit looked at it for a while, he could see blood slowly filling the crack.

This was only a little pain though, and Deceit wanted a lot, so he put the knife up to his skin once more, pressed hard, and the motion he made was quick.

His heart was racing as he looked down at the blood coming much faster than the first time. It was much deeper and the cut felt like someone was pumping a short sharp pain into his arm to the rhythm of his heartbeat. It stung like hell.

After a moment of heavy breathing, Deceit realized that he had forgotten about being alone and empty. He had forgotten, in that moment, about the hole that was left in every inch of his being. 

Deceit was now shaking so much, that he couldn't hold himself up anymore as he collapsed to his knees. 

He was filled with mixed emotions, but the main feeling was relief. Relief that he finally had something that would fill him and that would never leave him behind. It was all his own. No one else's to take from him. His pain.

~~~~~~~~~~

Cutting himself (Deceit found) was what kept him calm, kept him relaxed, so Deceit had cut all over his left arm till he felt he couldn't continue. Blood was dripping from his hand onto the floor as he got to his feet. Deceit finally felt like he was ok enough to actually get things done instead of being an empty mess in his bed. He finally felt that everything was going to be fine for the first time in two months. He was going to be ok.

After rapping his bleeding arm in bandages, Deceit went to read like he normally did in his free time. Deceit picked out a book to study, one that could be beneficial to Thomas, sat down on the couch, and started to read. 

He read the book with a sense of peace in his heart. Unfortunately for Deceit, letting his guard down in a place he felt was safe was a mistake.

He paid no mind to the voices at first, but as they grew louder and nearer, he felt something like panic slowly creep it's way into his heart, putting him on edge. Who was coming to the door? Why were they here? Did they come to torment him?

The sound of the doorknob jiggling was clear as day in the silent house followed by more voices conversing with each other. Deceit felt like his fight or flight reflexes were starting to kick in when someone started slamming their fist on the door, it echoing off the walls.

"Deceit! Open the door! It's locked!" It sounded like O. "Come on! We don't have all day!"

After there was no answer for a while it was Remus who spoke up. "Dee! I have something for you! I promise it's not dead- ok, maybe not as much dead as it could be… But it's here!" 

Deceit heard them both go on like this for the next ten minutes. He could feel anger bubbling up inside himself the more they talked about opening the door. Why, after so long, did they come back? He had enough and he was going to make it clear they weren't welcome here.

Deceit walked over to the door, feeling no regret for what he was about to do and say. They were the ones who decided it was going to be like this and there was no going back on the shit they pulled.

The moment he opened the door he grabbed O by his collar and shoved him to the ground at the bottom of the doorway steps. “What the hell do you think you’re doing back here?” Deceit looked down at O and Remus who looked a little confused on why Deceit was actively provoking O when he knew what would happen.

O looked like he was about to start screaming. Instead, to Deceits surprise, he took a long breath in and let it out slowly. 

Breathing exercises? The first and only time Deceit had brought it up to him he had gained a very bruised neck. Seems like he would be willing to hear out the light sides (it was most likely Logan) much better than he ever did with Deceit. 

He must trust them more than a lying snake. 

“Deceit, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to,” O said, still sounding a little aggravated as he got to his feet. “Remus and I just want to go to our room.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Dee Dee, but we’ve been gone for a while!” Remus chipped in, holding something behind his back. “Oh! It was so great! Well, not at first, Roman got himself into this-”

“As a matter of fact,” Deceit interrupted coldly. “I DIDN’T notice in the slightest.” Remus looked dumbfounded at what Deceit was trying to get at. Why didn’t he just let them in?

“I DIDN’T notice for a while, actually,” Deceit continued with accusing bitterness dripping off of his words. “So much so, that when I finally DID notice your absence, I came to terms with your decision.”

O stood next to Remus with his arms crossed, looking fed up with this. “And what ‘decision’ would that be, Deceit.” He spat the last part out.

It was almost sad watching O try to keep from bursting with rage. Deceit wished he’d stop holding it in. It would be a lot easier if he’d just snap so Deceit could snap and this conversation could be over quickly. “You both joining the light sides, of course." Both Remus’s and O’s eyes widened as they started at Deceit with shock and guilt. When no one said anything Deceit got a sick feeling of anger that started to swell up in the pit of his stomach. “It’s not like I would want to KNOW about you both leaving me for the light sides. You both are SO lucky I DON’T CARE much for anyone, otherwise I’d hold a grudge. And you both know what happens when I decided to hold a grudge.”

“Dee..” Remus tried to say in a sympathetically, which sounded quite odd coming from the duke. “We swear it’s not like that. We got caught up with… Well, you see Ro-”

“Caught up with what?!” The two new light sides jumped back hearing Deceit raise his voice. “You can’t possibly have any excuse for this!! You left me with no warning! What so ever!!! That shit IS what you do to family that cares about you!!”

O stepped forward with angry tears in his eyes. “Look Deceit.” The orange sides voice cracking as he spoke. “You don’t know what happened with us. We’re here now and we just want to go to our rooms. Ok?! So let us in and we can discuss this.”

“Oh? Now he wants to come in and discuss this!” Deceit waved his hand around to emphasise his point, talking to no one in particular. “No!” He pointed into O’s chest. “You both chose what you wanted to be apart of and who you’d throw aside to get it done!”

At this point O was grinding his teeth while hot tears running down his face. “What is your problem?! We’re here now, aren't we?!!” He tried to grab Deceit’s hand but before he could get a good grip, Deceit had already shoved him to the floor again. “You know you’re really starting to piss me off!”

Deceit knelt now so he could be eye level with O. “I think I've made myself pretty clear at this point. You both,” he looked over to Remus who had been oddly quiet, “are not welcome here.” Deceit got to his feet once again feeling like he had just signed his own death contract. “I have already moved your rooms up.” Wait. Was he doing the right thing?! He’d just pushed out the one operatunity he had to get them back.

“Deceit! You can’t be serious!! W-w-wait! Don’t kick us out! W-w-we can explain!” O reached for the door as Deceit backed into the house, closing it on reflex. The half snake felt something stop the door from being shut all the way.

The door fully opened up once more to reveal Remus keeping it open and holding out a drooping potted plant. “Here.” He held it out for Deceit to take. “I got it for you.” Reluctantly, he took it from the duke. “We’ll be back next week to explain everything… Is that ok, Dee Dee?” When Deceit didn’t say anything, staring blankly at the plant, Remus brightened up. “Ok! We’ll be back then!”When Remus was out of the way, Deceit Immediately shut the door on them both. 

After a while, sobbing could be heard echoing through the empty house. He had just shut out two people who he cared about. One he had even developed feelings for. Deceit Sat in the hall clutching the plant Remus had given him.

No. They were the ones who did this. It was what they chose to begin with, and they think I’d just let them take it back after what they put me through. Their the ones who had the sword and I was at the end of it. Just like with Virgil.

Deceit choked out the most pitiful sound he’d heard come out of his own mouth. It all hurt his chest in an unexplainable way and his bandages under his sleeves were soaked in blood from his cuts opening after shoving O to the ground. 

He just hoped they were HAPPY with the choice they made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Its finally here! Sorry it took a while, I may or my not be in the process of working on 4 different Sander Sides fics (I might post the others once I have enough written... They TOTALLY aren't all Deceit angst fics)


	3. Can't play nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone comes to pay Deceit a visit.

Why did they leave? What was so important that they'd leave behind the one person who gave a damn about them?! If it was so important why did he walk in on them all just hanging out?! It's not like he did anything to drive them away, things were how they always were before they left… Maybe he just wasn't good enough… Maybe this was how it was always meant to be. Him. Alone. The dark side. The villain.

It had been almost the same with Virgil. He had been leaving more and more, gone for longer periods of time, till one day he informed everyone he'd be leaving to move in with the light sides. Deceit had snapped at him and asked him why he'd betray them for someone who threw him out long ago. Things were said and everyone left a bitter taste in their mouth.

Still Deceit had to wonder what had gone wrong, then and now, for the other sides to leave him without a second thought. In any case, it was over, no going back. They had each chosen their sides. Deceit just happened to fall on the side with no one else.

Did it all really matter? Why was he even thinking about this? Was it even worth the effort? He had thought about getting back at them for what they did, make them as miserable as he is now… But he found himself lacking the will power to plan, let alone, take that plan into action. He felt like he was shoved into an ocean of everything and nothing all at once and he was drowning in it while it filled his body up, suffocating him, and forcing out anything that had once been there. It was so overwhelming, so draining, so so much for him to keep with in himself, but at the same time there was nothing he could get a good grip on.

Deceit quickly sat up from the couch, suddenly feeling a mental kind of nauseous come over him from his own thoughts. The room was dark and cold, he could almost make out puffs of air coming from his own heavy breathing. Deceit got to his feet, the only reason being the plant Remus had given him. The little green thing was actually the only reason Deceit got up anymore. Well that and his other… Newer habits.

He grabbed the plant to put it in the sun where the light had moved. As he was about to water the little thing (that was looking much better than before), Deceit felt a spike of sharp anxiety and shock rip through his veins when he heard someone knock at the front door. Was that Remus and O? It Hadn't been a week yet, had it? Should he actually open the door for them? He'd probably just fight with O again… Maybe he'd just let Remus in. No no no, he couldn't do that. Remus was just as much as a traitor as O, he couldn't let him in just because he had feelings for the side.

When the knocking came again, he found himself already moving to the door. Shit. What was he doing? Deceit unlocked the door, getting a rise of unease. When the door was pulled to the side, Roman was the one standing there. "Ah… Roman."

Roman glared at Deceit the way he did when he was being petty and mad at another side. Deceit was about to close the door when Roman stuck his foot in to stop it from closing and pushed it back open. "Now see here, serpiente mentirosa! You don't get to walk away after what you did to Ray and my brother!"

Deceit's eyes widened. "O told you his name?!"

"Of course he did! He's apart of the famILY now!" 

Deceit rolled his hands into fists, feeling the same pain in his chest he's been feeling for a while come back stronger. "Well of course he is," Deceit said low and menacing, which only seemed to make Roman more hostile. "Why are you here Roman? And don't tell me you've come for idle chit-chat, I totally DON'T know when you're lying."

Roman's eyes flashed with the kind of hate he'd give Deceit when he felt the scaled side was threatening someone he cared about. "Why the hell did you say those things to them! I thought you guys were- were friends for crying out loud!"

Deceit was already fed up with this conversation. He was ready for it to be over. "Oh please, Roman. Friends?! You should know better than any other light side that I ONLY keep people around for my own purpose."

Deceit immediately regretted trying to force the the discussion to be over like that because as soon as he finished speaking Roman grabbed him by his disheveled shirt and pulled them closer together. "Look! My brother is going to come over later today and I swear if you make him cry again, you'll regret it!"

Cry again? He couldn't recall making Remus cry? Perhaps he just held it in till he left… Great… "Wow! I feel SO threatened by you, Roman! Why don't you just stab me with your sword and be done with it?!"

"If my brother didn't care for you this much, I would! But unfortunately, he does, so I won't slay you yet, you foul creature!" At the end Roman seemed to cut himself off as he stood looking down in shock.

Deceit saw this as his chance to push him back out of the doorway. "Well until that day comes, I'd appreciate it if you stayed out on my way." He glared hard at the unwelcome side, only to release he was still looking down like he'd just seen someone get murdered. Curiosity got the better of him, so before he closed the door he followed to where Roman's eyes were staring.

Deceit felt the anger quickly flood out of his body only to be replaced with cold sharp fear. He'd looked down to see that his arms weren't covered. He looked back and meant the other side's eye, both not knowing what to say.

Lucky for Deceit, he had his hand on the door when Roman started to step forward. The concerned side let out a, "Deceit-" before getting the door slammed in his face and quickly locked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I know. School and other things are just are keeping me occupied... Plus I have a lot of fics I'm working on that I haven't posted yet.  
> Hint: Their all Mostly Deceit angst


	4. When will it end?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people try to explain why.

Roman saw! What if he told the others?! Well of course he would! But maybe he thought Deceit was trying to trick him to get sympathy and use that for some plan of his? Deceit really hoped that was the case, he couldn't have the others trying to 'help him' because of a few cuts. 

Deceit looked down at his arm… Ok, maybe more than a few. Still, this was the last thing he had! They had taken so much from him and this was the last thing he could hold on to! The last thing he believed he truly had control over and no one could take it! Now he's finding out they might steal it right out of his hands!

A knock at the door, that, at first Deceit thought he had imagined it. He'd been playing that same sound in his head, over and over again, waiting for it to come once more, signifying the end to his freedom. Unfortunately, he realized that was the case when the next knock was louder and more solid then the first.

They're here to take away my freedom. Is it not enough that they have everything I cared about?! 

No. He needs to calm down. Even if they know, there's still a chance that they won't act. And even if they act he's not letting them take this, not letting them get him. 

Walking over to the door, he collected his composure. He locked the chain lock at the top of the door and unlocked the bottom so he could see out without anyone getting in. When he opened the door to look out with his human eye he saw Remus and... Logan? Standing at the doorstep.

"Can I help you, gentlemen?"

"Deccy! Can we come in?" Remus was bouncing on his toes like the cute idiot he was and Deceit could feel one side of his face heat up. At least it didn't seem like they were very concerned, so maybe Roman didn't tell them… Or they just didn't care.

"You can speak where you are, can't you? I have ALL the time in the world and a LOT of patience, so can you just get on with what you wanted to say?" Deceit could feel bitterness start to swell in his chest once again, giving him that feeling of tightness like he was being strangled by a boa constrictor.

"Oh… Of course we can!" Remus seemed a little off-put by not being invited in but went to explain what happened anyway. Strange enough, Deceit wondered why Logan was there and not O- Ray. 

"So like I wanted to explain before," the duke continued. "Me and Ray were walking in the imagination by me and Roman's borders, when all of a sudden! We hear a very girlish sounding scream! So we both crossed the border to find out who was in trouble! All though it took some convincing on the angry man's side before we did that- but when we did, it turns out Roman was being taken away by the Manticore-chimera! We fought long and hard, but in the end we also ended up being captured and Roman-"

"Remus, I'm sorry to interrupt, but it looks like Deceit doesn't want the long story." Logan pointed out, taking notice to his impatient tapping on the door. "So I'll tell you the shorter version. We all bonded over a very long experience and they stayed with us to heal their wounds." When Logan finished speaking he saw Remus giving him a disappointed look. 

At the sight of this Logan grabbed the dukes hand and kissed him on the cheek. "Sorry, love, I know how you hate being interrupted, I just didn't want Deceit to have to wait for his answer. Maybe you could explain the full thing another time."

Deceit let out a shaky breath that the others didn't notice. They were... together?

"It's fine Lo Lo! Maybe another time then!"

Looks like they got more comfortable with the light sides than you thought. 

Deceit felt tears prick at his eyes, so he backed away from the crack in the door so no one saw him bite his hand till it started bleeding. He needed to keep his emotions in check.

Once he stepped closer again, with his cold composure, he glared into Remus like he'd never before. It's like he felt a whole new level of betrayal all together (he honestly didn't know that was possible at this point). He'd never been this mad at Remus in his life. Even when he left with Ray, Deceit had still seen some part of both of them as dark sides, had hope things would work out between all of them- and if not with Ray, then with Remus. It was clearly a mistake to think such foolish things on his part.

"Dee?" Remus spoke once again. "Are you al-"

"How long did it take for your wounds to heal? And how long did it take you to defeat the manticore-chimera?"

They both looked confused hearing Deceit's question. Logan scratched the back of his head, as if thinking for a moment. "I suppose it took us all 5 days and 13 hours to defeat the manticore-chimera. As for recovery, I don't have the exact measure of time, although I am quite certain it took around one week."

"How LOVELY to hear! Now… I'd just like to ask you one more question and after that I think we are done here!" Deceit gave a smile that seemed very passive-aggressive. Like hate and anger was hiding just under the surface. "What did you all do with the rest of that month? Hmm?" Remus flinched hearing so much spite directed at him while Logan stood there silently. "Three more weeks, if I'm not mistaken?" Deceit shot a look towards Logan. "Tell! I'd be very INTERESTED in listening to why you never came back to this house once till I showed up looking for you!

"We just got caught up with-"

"Save your breath, Remus! If you really cared, at all, you would have at least some back at night to sleep in your own bed before going back to them." He shot Logan another look filled with so much hatred, it hurt. "But I guess you have a new bed to sleep in, don't you?"

Tears began to fall down Remus's face as he looked at Deceit with disbelief. "I- I- I- I don't… We- we never meant to…"

Every time he opened this door Deceit only felt more and more pain flooding into the house like an underwater cave being stolen of its air. That's why he knew after this he could never open the door again. "Save yourselves the trouble of coming back here at all anymore."

"W- what?" Remus managed to squeak out through his sobbing as Logan tried his best to confront him.

"Because if you come knocking, know I'm not going to answer for any of you." And once again, Deceit slammed the door and locked it, never to be opened again...

~~~~~~~~~~

Everything in the house looked gray, like the colors got all washed out. Deceit laid on the floor of the kitchen with a box cutter in his hand and arm bleeding out. 

Everything looked so much bigger when looking at it from this low, like skyscrapers shooting up to the sky. And when he turned his head and put his eye close to the floor he could see all the crumbs sitting next to him, as if they also couldn't help but be something no one notices, even when they were stepped on or brushed to the side.

The air in the house was ice cold, and he hated it. He needed to warm up to get most of his energy if he wasn't going to be eating today. Energy for what? He didn't know. He just didn't want to spend all his time on the cold floor, not being able to move, even if he felt that it was all he was good for nowadays.

He sharply inhaled, feeling the stinging of his arm scream as he put weight on it. Deceit slowly managed to lift himself off the floor and over to the fireplace, kneeling down to start it. 

Once he got it going he picked up the fire iron to poke around where the fire danced, watching the metal stick stab the already burning wood and hearing the crunch of the bark, ignoring the drumming pain being sent up his arm.

Deceit’s whole situation seemed unreal to him. How could this have happened? How could he have let this happen?

Shut up, damn it! You just thought about that for the past five fucking hours! Look at your arm! I’ve had enough! So why don’t you ever seem to shut up! ...just shut up. Please, just shut up!

Throwing the fire iron at the burning wood, Deceit stood, letting out a long angry grunt. “Shut the hell up! You selfish bastard!! Is this all you think about?! Bastard!!” The screams echoed off the walls as Deceit clawed at his arms, as if something had gotten under his skin. “I told you to shut up! You shouldn't be allowed to speak! I should just sew your damn mouth shut! Or better yet! I should save myself the trouble and just silence you for good!!”

The room got quiet. The only sound being the crackling of fire and heavy breathing. 

Deceit stepped over to the fireplace again, reaching into it to pull out the fire iron he had thrown in there. Before he could put a second thought to it, he put his hand into the burning flame, quickly pulling it out and dropping it onto the floor as his nerves shrieked at the burnt flesh, screaming out from the sensation. 

He sharply inhaled through his teeth, grabbing onto his own wrist. His hand started to blister and turn different colors as he stumbled backwards onto the couch, letting a pained whine out of his mouth.

Leaning his head back on the couch to look up at the ceiling, Deceit let out small agonizing whines as he tried to keep himself from screaming out again. As he looked down to his shaking hand with tear filled eyes, he turned to look down the darkened hallway. 

"I should just silence you for good…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that explanation was... Something.


	5. I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit has had enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: maybe major character death

It had been three days since Logan and Remus came back with Deceit's message and Roman didn't know what to think. He knows what he saw on Deceit's arm… But would it even matter if he told the others at this point, when Deceit clearly doesn't want any of them near? What if it just made everything worse? If Roman made the wrong choice things could go very wrong and the longer he sat thinking about it the more things could go wrong. He's already wasted so much time… But what if this was some sort of trick he was playing? It wouldn't be the first time he had tricked Roman into doing his bidding, so it wouldn't be completely out of the question. Deceit wouldn't have slipped up like that if he was self harming anyway, he's way too cunning and clever to ever slip like that, right...? 

But what if it happened anyway? Should he even care? Maybe he should just leave it be and if Deceit did end up k-

Umm... what the hell?! He's not allowed- er- supposed to have thoughts like that! He's the light- No. The good- or, uh… You know! The twin that doesn't have those thoughts! Plus no one deserves or should go through something like that alone!

Well… If he even is going through something.

"Prince? Hello?" Someone snapped a finger in front of his face and he was pulled out of his thoughts as he remembered where he was.

Ray was leaning over the kitchen table, still snapping his fingers as everyone else eating dinner stared at him. "Fucking hell, say something!"

"O-oh, yeah, I'm paying attention now. What was the question again?"

Virgil rolled his eyes and poked at his mashed potatoes. "There was no question, you just zoned out in the middle of the conversation."

How long was he zoned out? He barely remembered what the conversation had been about, let alone that he was still having dinner. 

Great, this was just fantastic.

"I've observed you being a little spaced out these past few days. Is there something on your mind?" Logan said before taking another bite of his chicken.

"Well… I mean…" He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Should he lie about what he was thinking about? Wouldn't that make him as bad as Deceit?

"Does this have something to do with Deceit, kiddo?" Patton asked in a soft voice. Everyone at the table tensed up hearing the side's name. 

It didn't help when Roman remembered the look of fear and remorse on Deceit's face when he noticed him staring at the scars. Well he just lost his appetite.

"Yeah… Yeah, it is." Roman could feel the anxiety building up inside his chest like a storm at sea. He was sure Virgil could tell how anxious he was getting, especially when he gave Roman a concerned look. "I think I have something to tell all of you." He looked down at his now cold food, not wanting to see how everyone would react to him withholding this kind of information till now. He's an idiot. He couldn't do anything right, huh? Some prince he was. "Actually, it's more like a confession." You can do this, just tell them what you saw.

For a brief moment he looked up to see everyone leaning closer so they could hear him better from how quietly he was speaking now. "Come on! You have us all waiting like Captain Jack Sparrow before he got devoured by the Kraken!" Remus bounced impatiently in his seat.

Ray shook his head while crossing his arms. "Didn't Elizabeth betray Jack to the Kraken? Stupid bitch! Like for real? Who does that to someone who saved their life?!"

"Come on!" Virgil scoffed. "She was just trying to save the others!"

"That's enough!" Logan raised his voice in annoyance, which was hardly ever heard by anyone anymore. "Roman is trying to tell us something. It would be appreciated if you'd all quiet down and give him time to speak."

Great, everyone was looking at him again. "I went over to Deceit's place before you and Remus did that day."

"What? Why would you do something like that?" There was clear confusion on Logan's and everyone's face and it made Roman want to back out from saying anything, but Deceit was probably suffering. This was the only way he could redeem himself, if he left it be he'd be something worse than scum.

"I wanted to tell Deceit that he would regret it if he made you cry again." He looked over at Remus who opened his mouth to say something but Roman cut him off. "While we were arguing I… You see- I S-saw-" he swallowed hard, trying to find it in him to pull the words out of his mouth when it felt like they could be permanently stuck there. "He- Deceit's arm was co-covered in blood and scars!"

Someone slammed their hands down on the table and Roman turned to see that it was Ray. "What the absolute hell, Roman?!! You didn't think about sharing this till now??!?!!"

Ray jumped out of his chair so fast that it fell over before he ran to the front door, followed quickly by Virgil.

"Wait, where are you going?!" Roman stood up as everyone else followed closely behind the two.

"Where the fuck do you think?!" Ray shouted without looking behind himself. "To make sure our friend's ok!"

"W-wait for me!" Patton and Logan quickly followed out the door.

Roman was about to go out as well but stopped when he saw his brother's murderous glare directed at him. "If anything happens to Deceit I swear I'll make you regret it!!" Remus made his way to the door before pausing in the doorway. "And here I thought you'd changed…" It was nothing but a whisper compared to the echoing slam followed after.

Roman was left standing at the end of the hallway with one question filling his head.

What have I done?!

~~~~~~~~~~

He looked at the rope in his hands.

He felt so tired and sick all the time. He hurt all the time, physically or emotionally. It was one or the other 24/7. He hadn't gotten much sleep either, mostly because of the nightmares that plague his dreams.

He stopped caring a long time ago and he just wants it all to stop. He went over his opinions and the only ones that he would actually be able to pull off with how he is now all led to this. That's why he's hanging up the rope like a Christmas decoration.

He still can't fathom how it all came down to this. Then again, not a lot of things have made a lot of sense to him recently.

Lifting his weight onto the chair and standing to his full height, Deceit looked around his dark room, then at the noose with a shaky breath. His hands started shaking uncontrollably as he grabbed the loop and put his head through.

He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to leave the world behind, to leave his love for the others and everything they used to have behind. But who was he kidding? He was grasping at straws here. What other choice did he have than this?! He already caused the cave-in to his demise when he shut Remus and Ray out and the price was one he could not avoid any longer.

"Remus, Ray, someone, I just need a second chance." Deceit barely noticed he was crying again until his vision was blurred by the water filling in his eyes. "If I could get that I promise I WOULD take it for granted. I-I promise."

He didn't know if sides could go to the after life. He prayed to God that he'd just turn into dust, he couldn't take being aware of himself anymore.

At that moment, through the silent tears, Deceit heard something move through the hallway towards his room. Confused panic set in and Deceit was struggling to form a proper thought process.

Didn't he board the door up?! Quick before they try and stop y- Who was in the house?! What if Remus and Ray got kicked out and brok- They were going to try and stop him from getting his freedom- Were they here to save him- what if they came here because they thought he was too much of a threat to be left alone?!

Shit! Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!! 

With his mind not being able to come to a conclusion on what was going on or what to do, his body kicked into action and the chair fell from underneath himself.

His neck unfortunately didn't snap so he was left dangling without any air while his hands tried to unsuccessfully grasp at the rope.

Do something before it's too late!! He tried to tell himself but his body was quickly growing numb and he was losing movement in his arms and legs. P-please, I've changed my mind! I don't want to do this anymore!! 

Slowly his arms fell to his sides and his body went lip. Everything was gray through half closed eyelids and his mind went blank. The only thing he was conscious of was a slight pressure moving up his leg to his torso, and from his torso to his neck.

He could feel all the blood drain from his face while his eyes closed themselves. 

It was the end.

~~~~~~~~~~

All at once Deceit felt the noose let it's hold of him go and gravity did the rest. He immediately started to cough and wheeze for air, tears immediately started to fill his eyes again.

The snake on his shoulders slid off of him to the ground… Snake?!

It wasn't like a snake he'd ever seen. It was almost as long as a boa constrictor and on top of that, it was yellow?? Not like Deceit though. Deceit was more of a lemon yellow and this snake was a dead grass kinda yellow.

"A-ar-are you the-the one that sa-saved me?!" Deceit's voice was hoarse and dry as he barely managed to get the words out through his coughing fit.

To his absolute surprise, the thing actually started speaking. "You asked for a second chance. I'm simply giving you what you wanted." All of this was said in a Voldemort kinda creepy ass echo in his head, which put Deceit on edge. "I've done what you asked, so make sure to keep that promise of yours."

The snake started to move towards the door and Deceit eyes went wide. "N-no! You can't le-leave me here! I CAN go to-t-to the others! You hav-have to take me with you!" At hearing this the snake paused without turning around. "I CAN s-s-stay here and I C-CAN go back! Please!"

"You're pathetic, you know that?" The snake slithered over to Deceit and stopped in front of him, lifting his own body off the ground so he could be face to face with the side. "I'll allow it on one condition." Deceit waited silently as he looked into the blue eyes of the snake. "You have to do everything I say without question. That is my one condition."

Immediately he nodded his head. Anything would be better than being stuck here. "Yes- yes, I'll do that. I just WANT to be alone anymore."

The snake then wrapped himself around Deceit, putting his head next to his face. "Take us outside and I'll tell you where to go."

He did as the snake said, hope slowly starting to fill his chest rather than the heartache and regret that was usually there. 

He passed the plant that Remus had given him, choosing to leave it behind. All he wanted to do was forget his past now.

Still, it was a shame that the plant would end up dying… Hopefully his feelings for the side that gave him the plant would soon follow.

(Maybe major character death: plant)

~~~~~~~~~~

Ray stood at the door to his old house, hoping that what was on the other side was anything but what he thought it was. He pulled his axe out and was ready to chop this motherfucking door down that was keeping his friend from him, until Logan put his hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

"What, Logan?! What's SO important that you're interrupting me?!?!!" Logan simply pointed at the door that was slightly open already.

Ray let out an annoyed huff and reached for the door, axe still in hand just in case.

This was it. Please let Deceit be ok. Please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for a while! I'll start working on my other stories soon as well...  
> Also sorry not sorry for that maybe major character death warning >:)


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